Note to self: Irish people don't think they sound funny. Double note to self: They really don't think it's funny when you imitate them. Finally: They don't like talking about Leprechauns - especially ones that endorse fruity, albeit delicious cereal. Do I look like I give a shit? No. Do I do it as often as possible to make my Irish roomies love me even more? Duh! Did I rock that shit in Dublin for a whole week? I most absolutely did! Surprisingly, they didn't kick me out and they're letting me come back in two weeks! If they only knew what I have planned for the next time around! ;)
So, for those that have not been to Ireland, especially those Americans that think Guinness flows like water, everyone is constantly drunk and doing Riverdance in the streets and Shamrocks blow in the wind - you're right! No, I kid. I kid. Having been there enough times now and having seen a fair bit of the country, I would love to give you my little view of things - b/c it's def interesting in this little brain of mine!
What you should expect:
Pubs everywhere - such a good thing! But DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT ask for an Irish Car Bomb! They def don't know that you're referring to a drink and even if you explain, they def don't think it's funny! FFS!
Green everywhere - if you didn't know this - you prob can't read and def don't know what a blog is, so we're good!
Rain everywhere - and it flies every which way!
Cold everywhere - especially where you don't want it to be!
Lots of Irish (aka Gaelic) - They don't say Gaelic, they say Irish and although most know how to speak it (and believe me, it sounds crazy and takes at least 47x longer to say something), they don't really do it unless you're in certain parts of the country - BUT, it is written everywhere, is spoken at shops and on Aer Lingus (a local airline) and it's hilarious to hear people (especially me) try to pronounce things. Let's let you have a try. Pog mo Thoin. That's Irish for Kiss me arse! Haha!
What you should not expect:
Girls to drink beer or whiskey - I know...WHY?! Yet again, an outcast! You should see their faces when I order a double Jameson! Sweet Jesus!
Drunk people running a muck - they are SUPER restrictive on their pours and drinking and driving, so people are uber careful (aka boring! j/k)
Gingers galore - seriously, why are there more red headed people spray painted with freckles in the US? Were they kicked out b/c they have magical (and potentially evil) powers? By the way, my Grandma Shirley had only one fear in life - GINGERS! She loved literally everyone and everything, but she hated them for some reason. I never understood it and it might be the very reason I am fascinated with them, but still think it's one of the funniest things ever! "Grandma, a kid a school was mean to me!" "Oh, was he a red head? Those little devils always mess with people! Ugghh!" Hahaha!
ANYONE to be named Britney - seriously, thanks mom. Oh the ridicule! ;)
To have a bad time - The Irish are some of the sweetest, most fun-loving people I have ever met! They tend to love Americans and really love Californians. I might just be lucky b/c I've been trained by Brian and Anita, but let's be real - I'm a whole lotta crazy and if they're nice to me, they'll be nice to you!
So, now that you're well-versed in my little view of Ireland, let's talk about my trip! While I spent my days at work bonding with my co-workers, working sooo hard, just being amazing in general, I also harnessed my energy on a few key things: Annoying and consequently avoiding the douche bag that was sitting behind me, running from security, hosting a mid-day photo shoot in and on cabinets, kissing bobble-heads of MLB players and making lude gestures with a watering can, eating a jar of peanut butter and two giant containers of hummus and my personal favorite - capturing both pictures and video of Anita doing jazzercize while on a call and getting caught doing some major heavy breathing b/c she forgot to put herself on mute! Hahaha! And that was just the work bit! At night we went out for yummy dinners and even yummier drinks, and although I LOVE food and I REALLY LOVE drinks, I found a new love here on the Emerald Isle - MARY O'ROURKE!
Good god! Anita is officially on my shit-list for failing to convey how amazing her mama is! She is officially off of my shit-list for telling me regularly that her mama loves me! I'm blushing now just thinking about it! She is the sweetest, cutest and funniest mama I have ever met (besides my own, of course!). If you are lucky enough to meet her, you'll know exactly what I mean! I also got to meet Anita's dad! He reminds me so much of my grandpa Ray, it's hilarious. He's soft spoken, not super friendly but is a lover deep down. He LOVES his only daughter and makes sure she knows by doing pretty much anything she asks - including giving her a sweet ass plot of land and building an amazing house on it for her! If that doesn't tickle your fancy (or just makes you insanely jealous of Anita), might I also add that he has four donkeys! Uh -huh, FOUR! I pet them, I fed them, I asked if I could ride them. That didn't go over so well and I was quickly placed back into the "silly blonde American girl named Britney" bucket - typical! Whateva, I do what I want! ;)
After a dope week, it was finally Anita's birthday! We made sure we increased our collection of fancy dress (aka costumes) and bought sequined headbands to wear to dinner and dancing. We ate in Malahide, a beautiful upscale beachy town, and took several b-day shots! Eric Goldman, a friend from high school that I have not seen since then met up with us and was quickly reminded that I am indeed crazy and that Anita is a close match! After dinner we went our in Swords where Brian is from and his friend Gordo, who Boris so lovingly calls Warm Gordy, sings "Swords, Swords...it's close to the Dublin airport!" When we arrived, Brian said - hey, this is a cool wine bar, and when we got in, I could not find one bottle let alone glass of wine. It might of been the a a a a al co hol, but I think not. Anywho, it was a cool little pub. Little did I know that walking through a secret door would lead you to a much larger pub/club fully stocked with tons of booze, a dj, half-dressed men and women and a spectacle that I previously believed only Mr.Boris Chetinin himself could provide! There were SEVERAL Russian and/or Eastern European men bumpin', grindin' and here's my favorite part - picking up and shaking women all over the damn place. They hopped, they bounced, they instantly became my new favorite super heroes - The Russo Raver Rapists! Anita's brother Kevin described it best when he turned to me and said "my god - this kind of shit doesn't even happen in my gay clubs!" Hahaha! One of the best times EVER!
On Saturday Anita and Brian went to a wedding so I hit the town with Eric and his friend Jen. We went to the Irish MOMA, which failed to amuse me until I found the guest book. Most dissed the art, complained about wasting the good Irish people's money and complained that there wasn't food, but a few got very creative! My personal favorite was one that read "It gave me an erection!" Hahaha! I couldn't have agreed more, so I wrote "Me too! B. Brix." Afterwards we went to to Kilmainham jail. It was super crazy with tons of sad historical significance, but instead of boring you with that mess, I'll say it served great tea and was the set of several movies and tv shows! (no sadness on my blog! No WAY!)
Overall, the trip was great, I couldn't wait to get back to London - but it was a short-lived stint as I had to hop right back on a plane the next morning and head out to California again. That damn state just can't get enough of me! ;)
More to come and cometh it shall!
Love you party people!
B
29 October 2009
23 October 2009
For the love of...
...Holli B. Loose! So, if you're just tuning in, let's get you up-to-speed! Holli and I finally met in London despite our mutual friend Angela regularly telling both of us individually that we'd love each other and it was definitely love at first site, sniff of Aveda hair, rubbing what our mamas gave us...who knows what it was specifically, but all I know is that we're officially friends for life! Why does she inspire the first blog in 23 days, you ask? Simple: I'm a lover of love and when I love, I love deeply...so much so that I take things too far at times! I know, I shock you with this fact! ;) Well, one of the best/worst/most hilarious things that happened to Ms.Loose in the first few weeks over the pond was an amazing fall out of the shower. She lived, so we can laugh now, but at the time, she was definitely a bit shaken. A few cocktails and lots of "...oh, you think that's bad? Well, at least you didn't fall out of the fecking shower!" s, and Holli was able to chalk it up to a hilarious experience. Fast forward a few weeks, add a sleepy post birthday Britney and an affinity for dancing in the shower and what do you get? That's right people - not one, but two silly American girls who officially fell out of the shower! What are the odds, right?! Luckily, my shower has a curtain and a HUGE handle on the side (not to mention a fairly HUGE ass slipping around in it) and I averted a full black flop onto the floor, trading it for a huge bruise on my left cheek (ahem - the ENTIRE thing - like I said, that's a HUGE cheek and for those who remember my bruise in high school when Lee threw Berwald and I off of her hammock and down a small mountain, you know what I mean - it was instant, it was very black/purple and resembled Pluto - hey, might not be a planet anymore, but trust me, seeing it on my booty makes even the most devote astronomers want to reconsider!). Moral of the story - if you're going to dance in the shower, make fun of people for doing silly, albeit scarring things - you better be ready to get your God smacks! Haha!
With a purple rear, an empty suitcase and a longing for business class, I hopped back on a plane to come home less than a week later. At the risk of sounding like a total douche - I really did have the best time ever and am still a little overwhelmed by how many AMAZING people I have in my life that show me SOOOOOOOOO much love! I didn't sleep much (again, I rarely do these days), but I got to do so many things, with so many people and had the best time ever! A few highlights:
- Renting not only a convertible (I always do), but a silver Sebring convertible! Randi was nostalgic, I wore my coat at times just to keep the top down, and that silver beauty got to have three hot girls in the back and two 6' too tall to be in a Sebring men in it.
- Getting mad a loser who couldn't manage to get around Bridgey's car and kept honking and coincidentally teaching Hudson to say "F*CKER!"
- Bridgey calling me a half-hour later and saying "Seriously - he just called his swim teacher a F*CKER!" She was kidding, of course, but I'm still waiting for the call when he whips it out on another kid, a teacher or gran gran (aka G-ma Mabel) for whatever reason he sees fit - likely b/c they wouldn't let him dance, sweep or eat something!
- Playing with the heads at Angela and Matthew's house and convincing them that they should put a fire pole in their house b/c "stairs are a complete waste of time!"
- Wine night at Cal Cafe. The jazz band's bassist making creepy fish/sex faces, the Sebring photo shoot, the delicious pitcher of margaritas and the very sound sleep that followed.
- Cuddling with Coney again! He slept on my chest, paws crossed, snorting and grunting - who needs a man when you can have a little black alien, right?
- Seeing all of my lovers at work - adorable Lupe tearing up and the resulting love lock that followed. I really miss everyone in Cupertino so much! The enterprise reps in London just don't hold a candle and although I love the ONE person I know in the Reading office - it's outside of London, doesn't come with a silly Irish girl and requires the tube, a train and a cab to get there. Don't worry, I learned my lesson about the cab the first time! ;) BUT - I must say, I do love Reading and the surrounding areas! I might even move there when I settle down with all of my sexy British suitors! ;)
- Spending almost every day/night with my boyfriend Randi Lee - what can I say, she's missed me! :(
- Dinner at Mama & Johnny Ringo's house fully equipped with lots of vino, a J Grounds piano serenade, a "I got a love letter from Simone" bragging session from Taylor, a bit of "did you fall in love in London" interrogation (of course I did! ;) and sooooooooooo much laughing my stomach still hurts a bit (although to be fair, I've never laughed so much in my life - I officially think my 4th grade stint with Laughitis has come back! You can have the Swine Flu - I'll take laughing non-stop, a thank you! - A gun rack! A gun rack? I don't even own -a- gun, let alone many guns... love Wayne's World!)
- Happy Hour x 6 (who can really keep it to an hour, right?) at Cin Cin with a crew of 12ish. Making gold grills out of foil from Modelos, ordering 500 apps, Randi biting my cheek and Jaime protecting me from the "...you're not coming out?! Little miss party girl in London can't party in LG anymore!" banter by saying "F-off! Leave her alone! What? You can't have fun without her?! She's tired!" I still blush thinking about it! I like to take care of myself, but I think I actually love being protected a bit! Sorry mama, maybe I'm a little less of a hard-core feminist than I was! What the?!
- Trying to draw a stache on Julian and the resulting nap - defeat makes me sleepy. BUT - don't think for ONE SECOND that I have given up. I'm coming home again soon, I'm bringing a pen, and you're gonna deal with it! Be nice or I'll opt for my original, very non-PC stache - whom am I kidding, I was never planning on drawing a Luigi stache nor whiskers - it was always a Hitler stache and it still will be. I'm sorry - it's funny! It really is! Six years at Camp Shalom, the occasional Hamotze, a love for Price Harry and his taste in Halloween costumes and I'm locked and loaded! If you don't think it's funny - you prob don't like me anyway and prob shouldn't be reading this! ;) BTW - remind me to tell you my new D Baby jokes! Oh, and just when I thought I couldn't love Holli more, she says "do you like dead hooker jokes?!" My response, after several seconds of blissful pause - "umm...holy shit! I have never heard one, but I am a HUGE fan of dead baby jokes! Wanna know the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?" Hahaha!
- An amazing party at Casa de Vaughn-Luma. Getting silly, singing and dancing all over the house, and a HILARIOUS ride home with the one and only Michael Vaughn. Favorite line "Oh, little Ms.London - what, you like those limey f*ckers? What, you don't like surfers anymore? Real men that know how to work with their hands?!" Hahahaha! As LVL would say "Ohhhhhhh Michael!" BTW - I couldn't even look at him, Liz was in between us in the car and all I could say was "Liz, is he talking to me? I think my teeth are drunk!" (That's a little bit of a lie, but I am swore to secrecy on the events of that night. Ok, ok - we burned illegal DVDs and ripped the tags off of mattresses! I don't want to go to the clink! ;) Like a certain Aussie always says "Britters, you know blondes don't look good in orange!" Is it bad that I think I kinda do look good in orange? Anyway...
- Bottomless mimosas at Opa with Lizzie poo and Cara. Liz asking me what Greek sausage tastes like and telling her she should ask the waiter and then saying "wait, you prob don't know - can we call your girlfriend?!" How do I get away with that kind of shit?! LOL!
- Bridgey's b-day celebration in SF. The AMAZING room that Brady got for 1/5th the price. It's fun when you can look like a baller extraordinaire, make everyone jealous and then say "ummm...I only paid $xx" NOW WHO'S JEALOUS?! Bridgey filming cribs, dancing on the piano, contemplating death in a limo, Grey Goose Skittle vodka (and shaking that vodka to speed up the "process" - or just giving Chanel a little shaky shake show!), making Bridgey shoot wine out of her nose right after she took the testing sip and making the waiter think that we were laughing at him! Picking up Paul Mueller and loving every min of hanging out with him! We're going to have soo much fun in Thailand next month!
- Sunday dinner with G-Force Unit, which is always filled with lots of love (at times too much - I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do when she gazes at me constantly...wait, ok, I love it - she's G Force - she can do no wrong!), laughter and me begging to take a nap b/c I stuffed my face and begging her to stop feeding me! I dont' want chocolate mousse grandma! GOOD GOD!
- getting stared down by a creepy guy who was covered head-to-toe in tats (including his entire face - eyelids and all) at the SF passport office
- having a minor panic attack when I realized that I was sooooo not ready to have Sheri move into my place and quickly being calmed down by Liz, Sheri and Pat jumping in and saying "seriously, we love you, we've got this, let's just get in the car, go to the airport and we'll take care of it!" Bottom-line, I have the best friends ever! Pat, thank you for taking Coney and loving him properly! Liz, thank you for being so funny, sweet, loving and amazing - you're my hippie soul mate! That brings me to Sheri - you are seriously the sweetest, most quirky, most adorable, most genuine girlie I know! Anita and I talk about you regularly and it constantly shocks me that I get to have you in my life! I love love love you!
Overall, it was literally one of the best weeks ever! I feel so blessed to have so many amazing friends and family and I plan on making sure that you never forget how much you mean to me! One of my favorite quotes "People won't remember what you said or what you did, but they'll remember the way you made them feel." Well - you make me feel loved and that's all you really need. Oh shit, I'm happy crying! At least I'm in the comfort of my Dublin hotel room and not out and about - that always a strange one to have to explain, especially b/c it always seems to happen to me at the best moments - sitting at my desk, walking to my car, hugging people...Jesus H. Christ I'm a geek! Anyway, MUAH all over your damn face!
Last week was fun! I met one of Anita and Brian's Irish friends that live in London too - drank toooooooo much wine, boiled myself in a bath and then woke up at 3am and seriously contemplated yacking out the window. After I realized that that is not only gross, but that my neighbor could see me in my birthday suit hanging out and prob was worried I was going to try and end it, I should take care of business in the loo (FYI - I'm trying to use loo as much as possible b/c they said toilet and that's an instant gag reflex for me, but saying restroom just doesn't compute - hence, I settle for comedic seemingly stereotypical loo). On Friday four of Anita's friends from Ireland came to visit. On Sat I had a run in with some 80's headbands, a Vespa shop (Anita and I are going to get our licenses and rent them every min we can! They're only 35 a day! Although I love black modes of transport, they have them in pink - need I say more?!), and Top Shop and ended up needing to be escorted to the street. You know how shopping wrecks my head! I love clothes, I love giving presents, but I have to be in the right mood to attempt a crowded store - especially when I soooooooooo sleepy/bordering on retarded! That night we went to a lovely dinner at Inamo - an amazing Asian restaurant where you order off of a computer controlled table. When you come and visit, I'm taking you there - it's far better than the Russian brothel (although the brothel does have gold penis shaped faucets and an Alice in Wonderland themed loo). After dinner we went to my first official show in London! My first choice was Les Mis - "there is a castle on a cloud!" - always reminds me of the days when Lulu was sooo pure and Grandma used to yell at Bridgey and I saying "why can't you be more like your perfect cousin?!" Haha! A million tats and piercings later - and although I am sure she would say Lauren is still the good one, I still like to think that Grandma is pulling her little blonde afro out every time she gets a new tat! That's sick and demented, but juuuusssst sayin'! I digress - I wanted to see Les Mis, they wanted to see Sister Act, we ended up at Hairspray. Holy shit - I had no idea it would be soooooo funny! I got yelled at not once, not twice, but THRICE for texting during the show, but whateva! I have peeps that need to talk to me! Can't let the fans down, right?! ;) After the show we went to Clapham to see Holli and her amazing roomies, got tipsy squared and danced the night away! I got on stage - of course, ordered shots for everyone (even peeps I didn't know, maybe even didn't like), and ended up in a cab with Brian and Fiona and an amazing video of a very very very drunk little Irish woman! I kept asking Brian "seriously - is this really happening? Is this the best day of my life?" Hahaha! Amazing! We followed the night with my favorite weekend pastime - The Sunday of the Funday, of course!
Now, what am I doing now? Well, I'm in Dublin and I am having an amazing time! Today is Anita's birthday and I can't wait to spend it with her and show her just how much I love to spoil my loved ones! So...I leave you with this...what happens in Dublin, stays in my head, comes out of my fingers and will be blogged about! ;)
A few parting notes:
- I sleep with my phone next to my head, it's always on, so if you want to chat, it's not that hard...ALTHOUGH - please remember that for most of you, I'm 8 hours ahead thus drinky time for you is sleepy time for me! I love the occasional drunk dial, but a 3am wakeup call from Hudson lovin' Bridgey's iPhone gives me a minor heart attack! Also, Mary Catherine aka Marta Kauffman aka Mary Caffeinated - if you're gonna text me at the wee hours, which you did while I was blogging - luckily this time I am up at 6am! - please tell me about something dirty, funny or inappropriate! I don't give a shit about charity via text message! LM F A Ohhhh!
- I am loving every single min that I'm over here - seriously!
- I love hearing from you - especially Auntie Karla and your hilarious texts, FB messages and videos! You kill me!
- I really do want ALL of you to come and visit! Remember, London is expensive, so take advantage of having a free place to stay! Plus, we have hook-ups all over Ireland and in Paris, Portugal, Italy, Denmark and in my pants! ;) LOL!
Love ta love ta love ya!
B
p.s. I have a new nickname - Beavis. Anita is Butthead - we laugh like idiots all day long, most of the time we don't even know why! Love my life!
With a purple rear, an empty suitcase and a longing for business class, I hopped back on a plane to come home less than a week later. At the risk of sounding like a total douche - I really did have the best time ever and am still a little overwhelmed by how many AMAZING people I have in my life that show me SOOOOOOOOO much love! I didn't sleep much (again, I rarely do these days), but I got to do so many things, with so many people and had the best time ever! A few highlights:
- Renting not only a convertible (I always do), but a silver Sebring convertible! Randi was nostalgic, I wore my coat at times just to keep the top down, and that silver beauty got to have three hot girls in the back and two 6' too tall to be in a Sebring men in it.
- Getting mad a loser who couldn't manage to get around Bridgey's car and kept honking and coincidentally teaching Hudson to say "F*CKER!"
- Bridgey calling me a half-hour later and saying "Seriously - he just called his swim teacher a F*CKER!" She was kidding, of course, but I'm still waiting for the call when he whips it out on another kid, a teacher or gran gran (aka G-ma Mabel) for whatever reason he sees fit - likely b/c they wouldn't let him dance, sweep or eat something!
- Playing with the heads at Angela and Matthew's house and convincing them that they should put a fire pole in their house b/c "stairs are a complete waste of time!"
- Wine night at Cal Cafe. The jazz band's bassist making creepy fish/sex faces, the Sebring photo shoot, the delicious pitcher of margaritas and the very sound sleep that followed.
- Cuddling with Coney again! He slept on my chest, paws crossed, snorting and grunting - who needs a man when you can have a little black alien, right?
- Seeing all of my lovers at work - adorable Lupe tearing up and the resulting love lock that followed. I really miss everyone in Cupertino so much! The enterprise reps in London just don't hold a candle and although I love the ONE person I know in the Reading office - it's outside of London, doesn't come with a silly Irish girl and requires the tube, a train and a cab to get there. Don't worry, I learned my lesson about the cab the first time! ;) BUT - I must say, I do love Reading and the surrounding areas! I might even move there when I settle down with all of my sexy British suitors! ;)
- Spending almost every day/night with my boyfriend Randi Lee - what can I say, she's missed me! :(
- Dinner at Mama & Johnny Ringo's house fully equipped with lots of vino, a J Grounds piano serenade, a "I got a love letter from Simone" bragging session from Taylor, a bit of "did you fall in love in London" interrogation (of course I did! ;) and sooooooooooo much laughing my stomach still hurts a bit (although to be fair, I've never laughed so much in my life - I officially think my 4th grade stint with Laughitis has come back! You can have the Swine Flu - I'll take laughing non-stop, a thank you! - A gun rack! A gun rack? I don't even own -a- gun, let alone many guns... love Wayne's World!)
- Happy Hour x 6 (who can really keep it to an hour, right?) at Cin Cin with a crew of 12ish. Making gold grills out of foil from Modelos, ordering 500 apps, Randi biting my cheek and Jaime protecting me from the "...you're not coming out?! Little miss party girl in London can't party in LG anymore!" banter by saying "F-off! Leave her alone! What? You can't have fun without her?! She's tired!" I still blush thinking about it! I like to take care of myself, but I think I actually love being protected a bit! Sorry mama, maybe I'm a little less of a hard-core feminist than I was! What the?!
- Trying to draw a stache on Julian and the resulting nap - defeat makes me sleepy. BUT - don't think for ONE SECOND that I have given up. I'm coming home again soon, I'm bringing a pen, and you're gonna deal with it! Be nice or I'll opt for my original, very non-PC stache - whom am I kidding, I was never planning on drawing a Luigi stache nor whiskers - it was always a Hitler stache and it still will be. I'm sorry - it's funny! It really is! Six years at Camp Shalom, the occasional Hamotze, a love for Price Harry and his taste in Halloween costumes and I'm locked and loaded! If you don't think it's funny - you prob don't like me anyway and prob shouldn't be reading this! ;) BTW - remind me to tell you my new D Baby jokes! Oh, and just when I thought I couldn't love Holli more, she says "do you like dead hooker jokes?!" My response, after several seconds of blissful pause - "umm...holy shit! I have never heard one, but I am a HUGE fan of dead baby jokes! Wanna know the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?" Hahaha!
- An amazing party at Casa de Vaughn-Luma. Getting silly, singing and dancing all over the house, and a HILARIOUS ride home with the one and only Michael Vaughn. Favorite line "Oh, little Ms.London - what, you like those limey f*ckers? What, you don't like surfers anymore? Real men that know how to work with their hands?!" Hahahaha! As LVL would say "Ohhhhhhh Michael!" BTW - I couldn't even look at him, Liz was in between us in the car and all I could say was "Liz, is he talking to me? I think my teeth are drunk!" (That's a little bit of a lie, but I am swore to secrecy on the events of that night. Ok, ok - we burned illegal DVDs and ripped the tags off of mattresses! I don't want to go to the clink! ;) Like a certain Aussie always says "Britters, you know blondes don't look good in orange!" Is it bad that I think I kinda do look good in orange? Anyway...
- Bottomless mimosas at Opa with Lizzie poo and Cara. Liz asking me what Greek sausage tastes like and telling her she should ask the waiter and then saying "wait, you prob don't know - can we call your girlfriend?!" How do I get away with that kind of shit?! LOL!
- Bridgey's b-day celebration in SF. The AMAZING room that Brady got for 1/5th the price. It's fun when you can look like a baller extraordinaire, make everyone jealous and then say "ummm...I only paid $xx" NOW WHO'S JEALOUS?! Bridgey filming cribs, dancing on the piano, contemplating death in a limo, Grey Goose Skittle vodka (and shaking that vodka to speed up the "process" - or just giving Chanel a little shaky shake show!), making Bridgey shoot wine out of her nose right after she took the testing sip and making the waiter think that we were laughing at him! Picking up Paul Mueller and loving every min of hanging out with him! We're going to have soo much fun in Thailand next month!
- Sunday dinner with G-Force Unit, which is always filled with lots of love (at times too much - I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do when she gazes at me constantly...wait, ok, I love it - she's G Force - she can do no wrong!), laughter and me begging to take a nap b/c I stuffed my face and begging her to stop feeding me! I dont' want chocolate mousse grandma! GOOD GOD!
- getting stared down by a creepy guy who was covered head-to-toe in tats (including his entire face - eyelids and all) at the SF passport office
- having a minor panic attack when I realized that I was sooooo not ready to have Sheri move into my place and quickly being calmed down by Liz, Sheri and Pat jumping in and saying "seriously, we love you, we've got this, let's just get in the car, go to the airport and we'll take care of it!" Bottom-line, I have the best friends ever! Pat, thank you for taking Coney and loving him properly! Liz, thank you for being so funny, sweet, loving and amazing - you're my hippie soul mate! That brings me to Sheri - you are seriously the sweetest, most quirky, most adorable, most genuine girlie I know! Anita and I talk about you regularly and it constantly shocks me that I get to have you in my life! I love love love you!
Overall, it was literally one of the best weeks ever! I feel so blessed to have so many amazing friends and family and I plan on making sure that you never forget how much you mean to me! One of my favorite quotes "People won't remember what you said or what you did, but they'll remember the way you made them feel." Well - you make me feel loved and that's all you really need. Oh shit, I'm happy crying! At least I'm in the comfort of my Dublin hotel room and not out and about - that always a strange one to have to explain, especially b/c it always seems to happen to me at the best moments - sitting at my desk, walking to my car, hugging people...Jesus H. Christ I'm a geek! Anyway, MUAH all over your damn face!
Last week was fun! I met one of Anita and Brian's Irish friends that live in London too - drank toooooooo much wine, boiled myself in a bath and then woke up at 3am and seriously contemplated yacking out the window. After I realized that that is not only gross, but that my neighbor could see me in my birthday suit hanging out and prob was worried I was going to try and end it, I should take care of business in the loo (FYI - I'm trying to use loo as much as possible b/c they said toilet and that's an instant gag reflex for me, but saying restroom just doesn't compute - hence, I settle for comedic seemingly stereotypical loo). On Friday four of Anita's friends from Ireland came to visit. On Sat I had a run in with some 80's headbands, a Vespa shop (Anita and I are going to get our licenses and rent them every min we can! They're only 35 a day! Although I love black modes of transport, they have them in pink - need I say more?!), and Top Shop and ended up needing to be escorted to the street. You know how shopping wrecks my head! I love clothes, I love giving presents, but I have to be in the right mood to attempt a crowded store - especially when I soooooooooo sleepy/bordering on retarded! That night we went to a lovely dinner at Inamo - an amazing Asian restaurant where you order off of a computer controlled table. When you come and visit, I'm taking you there - it's far better than the Russian brothel (although the brothel does have gold penis shaped faucets and an Alice in Wonderland themed loo). After dinner we went to my first official show in London! My first choice was Les Mis - "there is a castle on a cloud!" - always reminds me of the days when Lulu was sooo pure and Grandma used to yell at Bridgey and I saying "why can't you be more like your perfect cousin?!" Haha! A million tats and piercings later - and although I am sure she would say Lauren is still the good one, I still like to think that Grandma is pulling her little blonde afro out every time she gets a new tat! That's sick and demented, but juuuusssst sayin'! I digress - I wanted to see Les Mis, they wanted to see Sister Act, we ended up at Hairspray. Holy shit - I had no idea it would be soooooo funny! I got yelled at not once, not twice, but THRICE for texting during the show, but whateva! I have peeps that need to talk to me! Can't let the fans down, right?! ;) After the show we went to Clapham to see Holli and her amazing roomies, got tipsy squared and danced the night away! I got on stage - of course, ordered shots for everyone (even peeps I didn't know, maybe even didn't like), and ended up in a cab with Brian and Fiona and an amazing video of a very very very drunk little Irish woman! I kept asking Brian "seriously - is this really happening? Is this the best day of my life?" Hahaha! Amazing! We followed the night with my favorite weekend pastime - The Sunday of the Funday, of course!
Now, what am I doing now? Well, I'm in Dublin and I am having an amazing time! Today is Anita's birthday and I can't wait to spend it with her and show her just how much I love to spoil my loved ones! So...I leave you with this...what happens in Dublin, stays in my head, comes out of my fingers and will be blogged about! ;)
A few parting notes:
- I sleep with my phone next to my head, it's always on, so if you want to chat, it's not that hard...ALTHOUGH - please remember that for most of you, I'm 8 hours ahead thus drinky time for you is sleepy time for me! I love the occasional drunk dial, but a 3am wakeup call from Hudson lovin' Bridgey's iPhone gives me a minor heart attack! Also, Mary Catherine aka Marta Kauffman aka Mary Caffeinated - if you're gonna text me at the wee hours, which you did while I was blogging - luckily this time I am up at 6am! - please tell me about something dirty, funny or inappropriate! I don't give a shit about charity via text message! LM F A Ohhhh!
- I am loving every single min that I'm over here - seriously!
- I love hearing from you - especially Auntie Karla and your hilarious texts, FB messages and videos! You kill me!
- I really do want ALL of you to come and visit! Remember, London is expensive, so take advantage of having a free place to stay! Plus, we have hook-ups all over Ireland and in Paris, Portugal, Italy, Denmark and in my pants! ;) LOL!
Love ta love ta love ya!
B
p.s. I have a new nickname - Beavis. Anita is Butthead - we laugh like idiots all day long, most of the time we don't even know why! Love my life!
1 October 2009
Too fun to blog?!
I'm back and boy do I have some stories for you! Most of these will be retold, probably for the rest of my life and most with exaggerations, massive hand gestures and jumping around so much you'll be lucky to follow - but, let's get real people - you wouldn't be reading this right now if you didn't know what you signed up for by having this blonde ball of crazy in your life, right?! So, let's kick this mess off, shall we?
Shortly after my first post, I hopped on the adventure of a lifetime and realized that I don't plan on turning back. In fact, the only reason this is even getting written is b/c 1) I know my fans need some giggles on a Thursday - my favorite day of the week, btw - and 2) I am at work and frankly, need a break from reading contracts of boring, boring, and exhibit B = boring. So, the adventure came to me in the form of a proper European festival, aka Bestival on the Isle of Wight! There was dancing, there was alien fancy dress (aka Costumes), Cece and I formed a band called the Sexy Alien Squirrels - all was good with life! The Isle is soooo cute, reminds me of Capitola meets what I imagine the Hamptons to be like without the pretention and hip hop meets Martha Stewart crab cook-offs! The Royal family has a vacation home there b/c it's beautiful, cheap and is only a hour and half from central London on the train and a 30 min ferry. We saw Lily Allen, my new favorite Euro band La Roux and a bunch of others. We hit the hookah (they call it Shesha - no idea how they spell it though), I learned some Cockney (Apples and Pears = Stairs), met some cute men from Whales (my fave was 6'9") and literally laughed the whole way through it!
When we got back to London, Cece, her friend from NYC Ale (pronounced Alie - I know, silly, but also like beer, so cool!) and Holli - my new meant-to-be lover that I met through Angela, we tore it up! We drank, we ate, we laughed at the alien demon baby that would not leave my stomach and made it hard as a rock - in a bad way! After a few days, Cece and Ale had to be on their way and were quickly replaced with Kerry - in town for meetings! As most of you have heard/can imagine, although I am a HUGE lover of the sleepy time, I have not been good at it at ALL here! So, on my way to meet up with Kerry in our Reading office (pronounced Redding), I decided that a cab was a better option than the usual tube to the train to a cab. I was clearly lacking the proper amount of oxygen to my brain b/c not only did it take longer - an hour and a half vs. an hour, I woke up after not knowing I fell asleep (thank god the cabs and the cab drivers in London are SUPER legit and far superior to ours at home) and had to do a quadruple take when I realized that the meter read 130pounds! I am sure most of you are aware of the conversion (aka the pound rules and the US dollar is takin' it in the pooper), so I freaked out! I tried to keep my cool, but I literally almost hurled my body out of the cab on the highway opting for walking/death in an attempt to erase my act of stupidity! Good God!
Anyway, work was good, I love the people there, blah, blah, blah! So, Anita and Brian came home on Friday and we left for Munich the next morning at the butt crack. 2 hours of sleep, a major sprint in the airport, an awkward nap on my tray table and I was set to go straight to the tents. Details are not needed here - let me just say this, and I repeat - if you do not go to Oktoberfest in your lifetime, YOU HAVE NOT LIVED! I mean it! It is the most fun, delicious, hilarious, amazing thing I have ever done! The beer - amazing. The food - amazing. The people - amazing. The Lederhosen and dirndles - the best shit ever! Everyone is there to have a great time, there are millions of things to do, including roller coasters, everyone dresses up, people come from far and wide - I can't tell you how many people I met that came from Australia, Japan, I even met a dude that came from India! People know how to prioritize! Anyway, next year, you are all invited, I want you by my side and I will be celebrating my 30th there as it only seems natural seeing at it falls the last week of Sept through mid Oct! Anita, Brian and I are working on the apartment rental now! Seriously, it's worth every penny - trust me on this!
The following week was good, but tiring with meetings, etc. Again, I know, blah, blah, blah. We ended up in Dublin last Friday and it was amazing - it's Dublin people! Let's just say we ended the night/started the morning with skinny dipping - the only way to swim if you ask me! (Mom, don't get upset, I went to Portugal in June, learned that nudity is freedom, I'm addicted, deal with it! I love you!) Saturday was so fun too, but Sunday was my first Sunday Funday in London and boy did we make sure it didn't disappoint! We started the morning off with Bloodys, Champagne and yummy breaky in Kensington - where most of the richy rich live (aka JK Rowling, Gweneth, Stella, Madonna - it's stupid pretty! I can't wait for you to visit and I can show you!) Then we went to a pub, drank on the street - which I love, duh, and then finished off the night with an amazing french dinner in Covent Garden - a Rome meets Santana Row, but with street performers and far more history, of course.
That takes us to yesterday - aka my birthday. My first birthday to be exact, or at least I kept saying that b/c it's my first b-day outside of the US - and it didn't disappoint! We planned ahead by making a batch of skittle vodka (4 packs of skittles, minus the purple ones in a bottle of vodka - serve over ice with soda = amazing!) and some cute black dresses - I told Brian to take his off and dress like the man we all know and love him to be! ;) We dined, we danced, I wore a NKTOB hat, pretended I was an OBGYN, talked about how I see so much vag and knocked knuckles with several people on the street asking them "Doesn't it feel good to be sexy?!" The answer = indeed.
Today, I feel amazing. Maybe it's b/c I woke up next to Holli, who happens to look quite a bit like me, except where she gets "are you 23?" I get "are you from Baywatch? You are so Pamela!" Ahem, I am stacked, I get it. Then the B. Spears comments come out - THANK GOD I love her b/c otherwise they'd get old fast. Anyway, point is, thanks mom for the genes and for the CRAZIEST name anyone outside of the US has ever heard. It's literally comical to all of them. Ah well, at least I have a compatriot in Holli as her god given name is Holli Beth Loose - aka - Holli B Loose! The only name better than that is Dick Titty - Lee's uncle.
Warning, I'm coming home on the 5th and I'm not leaving for a week. Needless-to-say, I am going to mouth kiss all of you (again - blushing, I know) - and talk your ears off- if you so choose. A courtesy "shut the eff up I'm tired of hearing about London" is always welcome though!
I love you, I miss you, I'm still kinda jealous of myself and I'd still rape Lee & Boris' babies (if you don't know that one - I'll be happy to share!).
In the words of my previous mistress Helga - HONK, HONK!
xoxo,
B
Shortly after my first post, I hopped on the adventure of a lifetime and realized that I don't plan on turning back. In fact, the only reason this is even getting written is b/c 1) I know my fans need some giggles on a Thursday - my favorite day of the week, btw - and 2) I am at work and frankly, need a break from reading contracts of boring, boring, and exhibit B = boring. So, the adventure came to me in the form of a proper European festival, aka Bestival on the Isle of Wight! There was dancing, there was alien fancy dress (aka Costumes), Cece and I formed a band called the Sexy Alien Squirrels - all was good with life! The Isle is soooo cute, reminds me of Capitola meets what I imagine the Hamptons to be like without the pretention and hip hop meets Martha Stewart crab cook-offs! The Royal family has a vacation home there b/c it's beautiful, cheap and is only a hour and half from central London on the train and a 30 min ferry. We saw Lily Allen, my new favorite Euro band La Roux and a bunch of others. We hit the hookah (they call it Shesha - no idea how they spell it though), I learned some Cockney (Apples and Pears = Stairs), met some cute men from Whales (my fave was 6'9") and literally laughed the whole way through it!
When we got back to London, Cece, her friend from NYC Ale (pronounced Alie - I know, silly, but also like beer, so cool!) and Holli - my new meant-to-be lover that I met through Angela, we tore it up! We drank, we ate, we laughed at the alien demon baby that would not leave my stomach and made it hard as a rock - in a bad way! After a few days, Cece and Ale had to be on their way and were quickly replaced with Kerry - in town for meetings! As most of you have heard/can imagine, although I am a HUGE lover of the sleepy time, I have not been good at it at ALL here! So, on my way to meet up with Kerry in our Reading office (pronounced Redding), I decided that a cab was a better option than the usual tube to the train to a cab. I was clearly lacking the proper amount of oxygen to my brain b/c not only did it take longer - an hour and a half vs. an hour, I woke up after not knowing I fell asleep (thank god the cabs and the cab drivers in London are SUPER legit and far superior to ours at home) and had to do a quadruple take when I realized that the meter read 130pounds! I am sure most of you are aware of the conversion (aka the pound rules and the US dollar is takin' it in the pooper), so I freaked out! I tried to keep my cool, but I literally almost hurled my body out of the cab on the highway opting for walking/death in an attempt to erase my act of stupidity! Good God!
Anyway, work was good, I love the people there, blah, blah, blah! So, Anita and Brian came home on Friday and we left for Munich the next morning at the butt crack. 2 hours of sleep, a major sprint in the airport, an awkward nap on my tray table and I was set to go straight to the tents. Details are not needed here - let me just say this, and I repeat - if you do not go to Oktoberfest in your lifetime, YOU HAVE NOT LIVED! I mean it! It is the most fun, delicious, hilarious, amazing thing I have ever done! The beer - amazing. The food - amazing. The people - amazing. The Lederhosen and dirndles - the best shit ever! Everyone is there to have a great time, there are millions of things to do, including roller coasters, everyone dresses up, people come from far and wide - I can't tell you how many people I met that came from Australia, Japan, I even met a dude that came from India! People know how to prioritize! Anyway, next year, you are all invited, I want you by my side and I will be celebrating my 30th there as it only seems natural seeing at it falls the last week of Sept through mid Oct! Anita, Brian and I are working on the apartment rental now! Seriously, it's worth every penny - trust me on this!
The following week was good, but tiring with meetings, etc. Again, I know, blah, blah, blah. We ended up in Dublin last Friday and it was amazing - it's Dublin people! Let's just say we ended the night/started the morning with skinny dipping - the only way to swim if you ask me! (Mom, don't get upset, I went to Portugal in June, learned that nudity is freedom, I'm addicted, deal with it! I love you!) Saturday was so fun too, but Sunday was my first Sunday Funday in London and boy did we make sure it didn't disappoint! We started the morning off with Bloodys, Champagne and yummy breaky in Kensington - where most of the richy rich live (aka JK Rowling, Gweneth, Stella, Madonna - it's stupid pretty! I can't wait for you to visit and I can show you!) Then we went to a pub, drank on the street - which I love, duh, and then finished off the night with an amazing french dinner in Covent Garden - a Rome meets Santana Row, but with street performers and far more history, of course.
That takes us to yesterday - aka my birthday. My first birthday to be exact, or at least I kept saying that b/c it's my first b-day outside of the US - and it didn't disappoint! We planned ahead by making a batch of skittle vodka (4 packs of skittles, minus the purple ones in a bottle of vodka - serve over ice with soda = amazing!) and some cute black dresses - I told Brian to take his off and dress like the man we all know and love him to be! ;) We dined, we danced, I wore a NKTOB hat, pretended I was an OBGYN, talked about how I see so much vag and knocked knuckles with several people on the street asking them "Doesn't it feel good to be sexy?!" The answer = indeed.
Today, I feel amazing. Maybe it's b/c I woke up next to Holli, who happens to look quite a bit like me, except where she gets "are you 23?" I get "are you from Baywatch? You are so Pamela!" Ahem, I am stacked, I get it. Then the B. Spears comments come out - THANK GOD I love her b/c otherwise they'd get old fast. Anyway, point is, thanks mom for the genes and for the CRAZIEST name anyone outside of the US has ever heard. It's literally comical to all of them. Ah well, at least I have a compatriot in Holli as her god given name is Holli Beth Loose - aka - Holli B Loose! The only name better than that is Dick Titty - Lee's uncle.
Warning, I'm coming home on the 5th and I'm not leaving for a week. Needless-to-say, I am going to mouth kiss all of you (again - blushing, I know) - and talk your ears off- if you so choose. A courtesy "shut the eff up I'm tired of hearing about London" is always welcome though!
I love you, I miss you, I'm still kinda jealous of myself and I'd still rape Lee & Boris' babies (if you don't know that one - I'll be happy to share!).
In the words of my previous mistress Helga - HONK, HONK!
xoxo,
B
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