I'm back and boy do I have some stories for you! Most of these will be retold, probably for the rest of my life and most with exaggerations, massive hand gestures and jumping around so much you'll be lucky to follow - but, let's get real people - you wouldn't be reading this right now if you didn't know what you signed up for by having this blonde ball of crazy in your life, right?! So, let's kick this mess off, shall we?
Shortly after my first post, I hopped on the adventure of a lifetime and realized that I don't plan on turning back. In fact, the only reason this is even getting written is b/c 1) I know my fans need some giggles on a Thursday - my favorite day of the week, btw - and 2) I am at work and frankly, need a break from reading contracts of boring, boring, and exhibit B = boring. So, the adventure came to me in the form of a proper European festival, aka Bestival on the Isle of Wight! There was dancing, there was alien fancy dress (aka Costumes), Cece and I formed a band called the Sexy Alien Squirrels - all was good with life! The Isle is soooo cute, reminds me of Capitola meets what I imagine the Hamptons to be like without the pretention and hip hop meets Martha Stewart crab cook-offs! The Royal family has a vacation home there b/c it's beautiful, cheap and is only a hour and half from central London on the train and a 30 min ferry. We saw Lily Allen, my new favorite Euro band La Roux and a bunch of others. We hit the hookah (they call it Shesha - no idea how they spell it though), I learned some Cockney (Apples and Pears = Stairs), met some cute men from Whales (my fave was 6'9") and literally laughed the whole way through it!
When we got back to London, Cece, her friend from NYC Ale (pronounced Alie - I know, silly, but also like beer, so cool!) and Holli - my new meant-to-be lover that I met through Angela, we tore it up! We drank, we ate, we laughed at the alien demon baby that would not leave my stomach and made it hard as a rock - in a bad way! After a few days, Cece and Ale had to be on their way and were quickly replaced with Kerry - in town for meetings! As most of you have heard/can imagine, although I am a HUGE lover of the sleepy time, I have not been good at it at ALL here! So, on my way to meet up with Kerry in our Reading office (pronounced Redding), I decided that a cab was a better option than the usual tube to the train to a cab. I was clearly lacking the proper amount of oxygen to my brain b/c not only did it take longer - an hour and a half vs. an hour, I woke up after not knowing I fell asleep (thank god the cabs and the cab drivers in London are SUPER legit and far superior to ours at home) and had to do a quadruple take when I realized that the meter read 130pounds! I am sure most of you are aware of the conversion (aka the pound rules and the US dollar is takin' it in the pooper), so I freaked out! I tried to keep my cool, but I literally almost hurled my body out of the cab on the highway opting for walking/death in an attempt to erase my act of stupidity! Good God!
Anyway, work was good, I love the people there, blah, blah, blah! So, Anita and Brian came home on Friday and we left for Munich the next morning at the butt crack. 2 hours of sleep, a major sprint in the airport, an awkward nap on my tray table and I was set to go straight to the tents. Details are not needed here - let me just say this, and I repeat - if you do not go to Oktoberfest in your lifetime, YOU HAVE NOT LIVED! I mean it! It is the most fun, delicious, hilarious, amazing thing I have ever done! The beer - amazing. The food - amazing. The people - amazing. The Lederhosen and dirndles - the best shit ever! Everyone is there to have a great time, there are millions of things to do, including roller coasters, everyone dresses up, people come from far and wide - I can't tell you how many people I met that came from Australia, Japan, I even met a dude that came from India! People know how to prioritize! Anyway, next year, you are all invited, I want you by my side and I will be celebrating my 30th there as it only seems natural seeing at it falls the last week of Sept through mid Oct! Anita, Brian and I are working on the apartment rental now! Seriously, it's worth every penny - trust me on this!
The following week was good, but tiring with meetings, etc. Again, I know, blah, blah, blah. We ended up in Dublin last Friday and it was amazing - it's Dublin people! Let's just say we ended the night/started the morning with skinny dipping - the only way to swim if you ask me! (Mom, don't get upset, I went to Portugal in June, learned that nudity is freedom, I'm addicted, deal with it! I love you!) Saturday was so fun too, but Sunday was my first Sunday Funday in London and boy did we make sure it didn't disappoint! We started the morning off with Bloodys, Champagne and yummy breaky in Kensington - where most of the richy rich live (aka JK Rowling, Gweneth, Stella, Madonna - it's stupid pretty! I can't wait for you to visit and I can show you!) Then we went to a pub, drank on the street - which I love, duh, and then finished off the night with an amazing french dinner in Covent Garden - a Rome meets Santana Row, but with street performers and far more history, of course.
That takes us to yesterday - aka my birthday. My first birthday to be exact, or at least I kept saying that b/c it's my first b-day outside of the US - and it didn't disappoint! We planned ahead by making a batch of skittle vodka (4 packs of skittles, minus the purple ones in a bottle of vodka - serve over ice with soda = amazing!) and some cute black dresses - I told Brian to take his off and dress like the man we all know and love him to be! ;) We dined, we danced, I wore a NKTOB hat, pretended I was an OBGYN, talked about how I see so much vag and knocked knuckles with several people on the street asking them "Doesn't it feel good to be sexy?!" The answer = indeed.
Today, I feel amazing. Maybe it's b/c I woke up next to Holli, who happens to look quite a bit like me, except where she gets "are you 23?" I get "are you from Baywatch? You are so Pamela!" Ahem, I am stacked, I get it. Then the B. Spears comments come out - THANK GOD I love her b/c otherwise they'd get old fast. Anyway, point is, thanks mom for the genes and for the CRAZIEST name anyone outside of the US has ever heard. It's literally comical to all of them. Ah well, at least I have a compatriot in Holli as her god given name is Holli Beth Loose - aka - Holli B Loose! The only name better than that is Dick Titty - Lee's uncle.
Warning, I'm coming home on the 5th and I'm not leaving for a week. Needless-to-say, I am going to mouth kiss all of you (again - blushing, I know) - and talk your ears off- if you so choose. A courtesy "shut the eff up I'm tired of hearing about London" is always welcome though!
I love you, I miss you, I'm still kinda jealous of myself and I'd still rape Lee & Boris' babies (if you don't know that one - I'll be happy to share!).
In the words of my previous mistress Helga - HONK, HONK!
xoxo,
B
pictures please.
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