For the love of...

...Holli B. Loose! So, if you're just tuning in, let's get you up-to-speed! Holli and I finally met in London despite our mutual friend Angela regularly telling both of us individually that we'd love each other and it was definitely love at first site, sniff of Aveda hair, rubbing what our mamas gave us...who knows what it was specifically, but all I know is that we're officially friends for life! Why does she inspire the first blog in 23 days, you ask? Simple: I'm a lover of love and when I love, I love deeply...so much so that I take things too far at times! I know, I shock you with this fact! ;) Well, one of the best/worst/most hilarious things that happened to Ms.Loose in the first few weeks over the pond was an amazing fall out of the shower. She lived, so we can laugh now, but at the time, she was definitely a bit shaken. A few cocktails and lots of "...oh, you think that's bad? Well, at least you didn't fall out of the fecking shower!" s, and Holli was able to chalk it up to a hilarious experience. Fast forward a few weeks, add a sleepy post birthday Britney and an affinity for dancing in the shower and what do you get? That's right people - not one, but two silly American girls who officially fell out of the shower! What are the odds, right?! Luckily, my shower has a curtain and a HUGE handle on the side (not to mention a fairly HUGE ass slipping around in it) and I averted a full black flop onto the floor, trading it for a huge bruise on my left cheek (ahem - the ENTIRE thing - like I said, that's a HUGE cheek and for those who remember my bruise in high school when Lee threw Berwald and I off of her hammock and down a small mountain, you know what I mean - it was instant, it was very black/purple and resembled Pluto - hey, might not be a planet anymore, but trust me, seeing it on my booty makes even the most devote astronomers want to reconsider!). Moral of the story - if you're going to dance in the shower, make fun of people for doing silly, albeit scarring things - you better be ready to get your God smacks! Haha!

With a purple rear, an empty suitcase and a longing for business class, I hopped back on a plane to come home less than a week later. At the risk of sounding like a total douche - I really did have the best time ever and am still a little overwhelmed by how many AMAZING people I have in my life that show me SOOOOOOOOO much love! I didn't sleep much (again, I rarely do these days), but I got to do so many things, with so many people and had the best time ever! A few highlights:

- Renting not only a convertible (I always do), but a silver Sebring convertible! Randi was nostalgic, I wore my coat at times just to keep the top down, and that silver beauty got to have three hot girls in the back and two 6' too tall to be in a Sebring men in it.
- Getting mad a loser who couldn't manage to get around Bridgey's car and kept honking and coincidentally teaching Hudson to say "F*CKER!"
- Bridgey calling me a half-hour later and saying "Seriously - he just called his swim teacher a F*CKER!" She was kidding, of course, but I'm still waiting for the call when he whips it out on another kid, a teacher or gran gran (aka G-ma Mabel) for whatever reason he sees fit - likely b/c they wouldn't let him dance, sweep or eat something!
- Playing with the heads at Angela and Matthew's house and convincing them that they should put a fire pole in their house b/c "stairs are a complete waste of time!"
- Wine night at Cal Cafe. The jazz band's bassist making creepy fish/sex faces, the Sebring photo shoot, the delicious pitcher of margaritas and the very sound sleep that followed.
- Cuddling with Coney again! He slept on my chest, paws crossed, snorting and grunting - who needs a man when you can have a little black alien, right?
- Seeing all of my lovers at work - adorable Lupe tearing up and the resulting love lock that followed. I really miss everyone in Cupertino so much! The enterprise reps in London just don't hold a candle and although I love the ONE person I know in the Reading office - it's outside of London, doesn't come with a silly Irish girl and requires the tube, a train and a cab to get there. Don't worry, I learned my lesson about the cab the first time! ;) BUT - I must say, I do love Reading and the surrounding areas! I might even move there when I settle down with all of my sexy British suitors! ;)
- Spending almost every day/night with my boyfriend Randi Lee - what can I say, she's missed me! :(
- Dinner at Mama & Johnny Ringo's house fully equipped with lots of vino, a J Grounds piano serenade, a "I got a love letter from Simone" bragging session from Taylor, a bit of "did you fall in love in London" interrogation (of course I did! ;) and sooooooooooo much laughing my stomach still hurts a bit (although to be fair, I've never laughed so much in my life - I officially think my 4th grade stint with Laughitis has come back! You can have the Swine Flu - I'll take laughing non-stop, a thank you! - A gun rack! A gun rack? I don't even own -a- gun, let alone many guns... love Wayne's World!)
- Happy Hour x 6 (who can really keep it to an hour, right?) at Cin Cin with a crew of 12ish. Making gold grills out of foil from Modelos, ordering 500 apps, Randi biting my cheek and Jaime protecting me from the "...you're not coming out?! Little miss party girl in London can't party in LG anymore!" banter by saying "F-off! Leave her alone! What? You can't have fun without her?! She's tired!" I still blush thinking about it! I like to take care of myself, but I think I actually love being protected a bit! Sorry mama, maybe I'm a little less of a hard-core feminist than I was! What the?!
- Trying to draw a stache on Julian and the resulting nap - defeat makes me sleepy. BUT - don't think for ONE SECOND that I have given up. I'm coming home again soon, I'm bringing a pen, and you're gonna deal with it! Be nice or I'll opt for my original, very non-PC stache - whom am I kidding, I was never planning on drawing a Luigi stache nor whiskers - it was always a Hitler stache and it still will be. I'm sorry - it's funny! It really is! Six years at Camp Shalom, the occasional Hamotze, a love for Price Harry and his taste in Halloween costumes and I'm locked and loaded! If you don't think it's funny - you prob don't like me anyway and prob shouldn't be reading this! ;) BTW - remind me to tell you my new D Baby jokes! Oh, and just when I thought I couldn't love Holli more, she says "do you like dead hooker jokes?!" My response, after several seconds of blissful pause - "umm...holy shit! I have never heard one, but I am a HUGE fan of dead baby jokes! Wanna know the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?" Hahaha!
- An amazing party at Casa de Vaughn-Luma. Getting silly, singing and dancing all over the house, and a HILARIOUS ride home with the one and only Michael Vaughn. Favorite line "Oh, little Ms.London - what, you like those limey f*ckers? What, you don't like surfers anymore? Real men that know how to work with their hands?!" Hahahaha! As LVL would say "Ohhhhhhh Michael!" BTW - I couldn't even look at him, Liz was in between us in the car and all I could say was "Liz, is he talking to me? I think my teeth are drunk!" (That's a little bit of a lie, but I am swore to secrecy on the events of that night. Ok, ok - we burned illegal DVDs and ripped the tags off of mattresses! I don't want to go to the clink! ;) Like a certain Aussie always says "Britters, you know blondes don't look good in orange!" Is it bad that I think I kinda do look good in orange? Anyway...
- Bottomless mimosas at Opa with Lizzie poo and Cara. Liz asking me what Greek sausage tastes like and telling her she should ask the waiter and then saying "wait, you prob don't know - can we call your girlfriend?!" How do I get away with that kind of shit?! LOL!
- Bridgey's b-day celebration in SF. The AMAZING room that Brady got for 1/5th the price. It's fun when you can look like a baller extraordinaire, make everyone jealous and then say "ummm...I only paid $xx" NOW WHO'S JEALOUS?! Bridgey filming cribs, dancing on the piano, contemplating death in a limo, Grey Goose Skittle vodka (and shaking that vodka to speed up the "process" - or just giving Chanel a little shaky shake show!), making Bridgey shoot wine out of her nose right after she took the testing sip and making the waiter think that we were laughing at him! Picking up Paul Mueller and loving every min of hanging out with him! We're going to have soo much fun in Thailand next month!
- Sunday dinner with G-Force Unit, which is always filled with lots of love (at times too much - I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do when she gazes at me constantly...wait, ok, I love it - she's G Force - she can do no wrong!), laughter and me begging to take a nap b/c I stuffed my face and begging her to stop feeding me! I dont' want chocolate mousse grandma! GOOD GOD!
- getting stared down by a creepy guy who was covered head-to-toe in tats (including his entire face - eyelids and all) at the SF passport office
- having a minor panic attack when I realized that I was sooooo not ready to have Sheri move into my place and quickly being calmed down by Liz, Sheri and Pat jumping in and saying "seriously, we love you, we've got this, let's just get in the car, go to the airport and we'll take care of it!" Bottom-line, I have the best friends ever! Pat, thank you for taking Coney and loving him properly! Liz, thank you for being so funny, sweet, loving and amazing - you're my hippie soul mate! That brings me to Sheri - you are seriously the sweetest, most quirky, most adorable, most genuine girlie I know! Anita and I talk about you regularly and it constantly shocks me that I get to have you in my life! I love love love you!

Overall, it was literally one of the best weeks ever! I feel so blessed to have so many amazing friends and family and I plan on making sure that you never forget how much you mean to me! One of my favorite quotes "People won't remember what you said or what you did, but they'll remember the way you made them feel." Well - you make me feel loved and that's all you really need. Oh shit, I'm happy crying! At least I'm in the comfort of my Dublin hotel room and not out and about - that always a strange one to have to explain, especially b/c it always seems to happen to me at the best moments - sitting at my desk, walking to my car, hugging people...Jesus H. Christ I'm a geek! Anyway, MUAH all over your damn face!

Last week was fun! I met one of Anita and Brian's Irish friends that live in London too - drank toooooooo much wine, boiled myself in a bath and then woke up at 3am and seriously contemplated yacking out the window. After I realized that that is not only gross, but that my neighbor could see me in my birthday suit hanging out and prob was worried I was going to try and end it, I should take care of business in the loo (FYI - I'm trying to use loo as much as possible b/c they said toilet and that's an instant gag reflex for me, but saying restroom just doesn't compute - hence, I settle for comedic seemingly stereotypical loo). On Friday four of Anita's friends from Ireland came to visit. On Sat I had a run in with some 80's headbands, a Vespa shop (Anita and I are going to get our licenses and rent them every min we can! They're only 35 a day! Although I love black modes of transport, they have them in pink - need I say more?!), and Top Shop and ended up needing to be escorted to the street. You know how shopping wrecks my head! I love clothes, I love giving presents, but I have to be in the right mood to attempt a crowded store - especially when I soooooooooo sleepy/bordering on retarded! That night we went to a lovely dinner at Inamo - an amazing Asian restaurant where you order off of a computer controlled table. When you come and visit, I'm taking you there - it's far better than the Russian brothel (although the brothel does have gold penis shaped faucets and an Alice in Wonderland themed loo). After dinner we went to my first official show in London! My first choice was Les Mis - "there is a castle on a cloud!" - always reminds me of the days when Lulu was sooo pure and Grandma used to yell at Bridgey and I saying "why can't you be more like your perfect cousin?!" Haha! A million tats and piercings later - and although I am sure she would say Lauren is still the good one, I still like to think that Grandma is pulling her little blonde afro out every time she gets a new tat! That's sick and demented, but juuuusssst sayin'! I digress - I wanted to see Les Mis, they wanted to see Sister Act, we ended up at Hairspray. Holy shit - I had no idea it would be soooooo funny! I got yelled at not once, not twice, but THRICE for texting during the show, but whateva! I have peeps that need to talk to me! Can't let the fans down, right?! ;) After the show we went to Clapham to see Holli and her amazing roomies, got tipsy squared and danced the night away! I got on stage - of course, ordered shots for everyone (even peeps I didn't know, maybe even didn't like), and ended up in a cab with Brian and Fiona and an amazing video of a very very very drunk little Irish woman! I kept asking Brian "seriously - is this really happening? Is this the best day of my life?" Hahaha! Amazing! We followed the night with my favorite weekend pastime - The Sunday of the Funday, of course!

Now, what am I doing now? Well, I'm in Dublin and I am having an amazing time! Today is Anita's birthday and I can't wait to spend it with her and show her just how much I love to spoil my loved ones! So...I leave you with this...what happens in Dublin, stays in my head, comes out of my fingers and will be blogged about! ;)

A few parting notes:
- I sleep with my phone next to my head, it's always on, so if you want to chat, it's not that hard...ALTHOUGH - please remember that for most of you, I'm 8 hours ahead thus drinky time for you is sleepy time for me! I love the occasional drunk dial, but a 3am wakeup call from Hudson lovin' Bridgey's iPhone gives me a minor heart attack! Also, Mary Catherine aka Marta Kauffman aka Mary Caffeinated - if you're gonna text me at the wee hours, which you did while I was blogging - luckily this time I am up at 6am! - please tell me about something dirty, funny or inappropriate! I don't give a shit about charity via text message! LM F A Ohhhh!
- I am loving every single min that I'm over here - seriously!
- I love hearing from you - especially Auntie Karla and your hilarious texts, FB messages and videos! You kill me!
- I really do want ALL of you to come and visit! Remember, London is expensive, so take advantage of having a free place to stay! Plus, we have hook-ups all over Ireland and in Paris, Portugal, Italy, Denmark and in my pants! ;) LOL!

Love ta love ta love ya!

B

p.s. I have a new nickname - Beavis. Anita is Butthead - we laugh like idiots all day long, most of the time we don't even know why! Love my life!