Note to self: Irish people don't think they sound funny. Double note to self: They really don't think it's funny when you imitate them. Finally: They don't like talking about Leprechauns - especially ones that endorse fruity, albeit delicious cereal. Do I look like I give a shit? No. Do I do it as often as possible to make my Irish roomies love me even more? Duh! Did I rock that shit in Dublin for a whole week? I most absolutely did! Surprisingly, they didn't kick me out and they're letting me come back in two weeks! If they only knew what I have planned for the next time around! ;)
So, for those that have not been to Ireland, especially those Americans that think Guinness flows like water, everyone is constantly drunk and doing Riverdance in the streets and Shamrocks blow in the wind - you're right! No, I kid. I kid. Having been there enough times now and having seen a fair bit of the country, I would love to give you my little view of things - b/c it's def interesting in this little brain of mine!
What you should expect:
Pubs everywhere - such a good thing! But DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT ask for an Irish Car Bomb! They def don't know that you're referring to a drink and even if you explain, they def don't think it's funny! FFS!
Green everywhere - if you didn't know this - you prob can't read and def don't know what a blog is, so we're good!
Rain everywhere - and it flies every which way!
Cold everywhere - especially where you don't want it to be!
Lots of Irish (aka Gaelic) - They don't say Gaelic, they say Irish and although most know how to speak it (and believe me, it sounds crazy and takes at least 47x longer to say something), they don't really do it unless you're in certain parts of the country - BUT, it is written everywhere, is spoken at shops and on Aer Lingus (a local airline) and it's hilarious to hear people (especially me) try to pronounce things. Let's let you have a try. Pog mo Thoin. That's Irish for Kiss me arse! Haha!
What you should not expect:
Girls to drink beer or whiskey - I know...WHY?! Yet again, an outcast! You should see their faces when I order a double Jameson! Sweet Jesus!
Drunk people running a muck - they are SUPER restrictive on their pours and drinking and driving, so people are uber careful (aka boring! j/k)
Gingers galore - seriously, why are there more red headed people spray painted with freckles in the US? Were they kicked out b/c they have magical (and potentially evil) powers? By the way, my Grandma Shirley had only one fear in life - GINGERS! She loved literally everyone and everything, but she hated them for some reason. I never understood it and it might be the very reason I am fascinated with them, but still think it's one of the funniest things ever! "Grandma, a kid a school was mean to me!" "Oh, was he a red head? Those little devils always mess with people! Ugghh!" Hahaha!
ANYONE to be named Britney - seriously, thanks mom. Oh the ridicule! ;)
To have a bad time - The Irish are some of the sweetest, most fun-loving people I have ever met! They tend to love Americans and really love Californians. I might just be lucky b/c I've been trained by Brian and Anita, but let's be real - I'm a whole lotta crazy and if they're nice to me, they'll be nice to you!
So, now that you're well-versed in my little view of Ireland, let's talk about my trip! While I spent my days at work bonding with my co-workers, working sooo hard, just being amazing in general, I also harnessed my energy on a few key things: Annoying and consequently avoiding the douche bag that was sitting behind me, running from security, hosting a mid-day photo shoot in and on cabinets, kissing bobble-heads of MLB players and making lude gestures with a watering can, eating a jar of peanut butter and two giant containers of hummus and my personal favorite - capturing both pictures and video of Anita doing jazzercize while on a call and getting caught doing some major heavy breathing b/c she forgot to put herself on mute! Hahaha! And that was just the work bit! At night we went out for yummy dinners and even yummier drinks, and although I LOVE food and I REALLY LOVE drinks, I found a new love here on the Emerald Isle - MARY O'ROURKE!
Good god! Anita is officially on my shit-list for failing to convey how amazing her mama is! She is officially off of my shit-list for telling me regularly that her mama loves me! I'm blushing now just thinking about it! She is the sweetest, cutest and funniest mama I have ever met (besides my own, of course!). If you are lucky enough to meet her, you'll know exactly what I mean! I also got to meet Anita's dad! He reminds me so much of my grandpa Ray, it's hilarious. He's soft spoken, not super friendly but is a lover deep down. He LOVES his only daughter and makes sure she knows by doing pretty much anything she asks - including giving her a sweet ass plot of land and building an amazing house on it for her! If that doesn't tickle your fancy (or just makes you insanely jealous of Anita), might I also add that he has four donkeys! Uh -huh, FOUR! I pet them, I fed them, I asked if I could ride them. That didn't go over so well and I was quickly placed back into the "silly blonde American girl named Britney" bucket - typical! Whateva, I do what I want! ;)
After a dope week, it was finally Anita's birthday! We made sure we increased our collection of fancy dress (aka costumes) and bought sequined headbands to wear to dinner and dancing. We ate in Malahide, a beautiful upscale beachy town, and took several b-day shots! Eric Goldman, a friend from high school that I have not seen since then met up with us and was quickly reminded that I am indeed crazy and that Anita is a close match! After dinner we went our in Swords where Brian is from and his friend Gordo, who Boris so lovingly calls Warm Gordy, sings "Swords, Swords...it's close to the Dublin airport!" When we arrived, Brian said - hey, this is a cool wine bar, and when we got in, I could not find one bottle let alone glass of wine. It might of been the a a a a al co hol, but I think not. Anywho, it was a cool little pub. Little did I know that walking through a secret door would lead you to a much larger pub/club fully stocked with tons of booze, a dj, half-dressed men and women and a spectacle that I previously believed only Mr.Boris Chetinin himself could provide! There were SEVERAL Russian and/or Eastern European men bumpin', grindin' and here's my favorite part - picking up and shaking women all over the damn place. They hopped, they bounced, they instantly became my new favorite super heroes - The Russo Raver Rapists! Anita's brother Kevin described it best when he turned to me and said "my god - this kind of shit doesn't even happen in my gay clubs!" Hahaha! One of the best times EVER!
On Saturday Anita and Brian went to a wedding so I hit the town with Eric and his friend Jen. We went to the Irish MOMA, which failed to amuse me until I found the guest book. Most dissed the art, complained about wasting the good Irish people's money and complained that there wasn't food, but a few got very creative! My personal favorite was one that read "It gave me an erection!" Hahaha! I couldn't have agreed more, so I wrote "Me too! B. Brix." Afterwards we went to to Kilmainham jail. It was super crazy with tons of sad historical significance, but instead of boring you with that mess, I'll say it served great tea and was the set of several movies and tv shows! (no sadness on my blog! No WAY!)
Overall, the trip was great, I couldn't wait to get back to London - but it was a short-lived stint as I had to hop right back on a plane the next morning and head out to California again. That damn state just can't get enough of me! ;)
More to come and cometh it shall!
Love you party people!
B
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